Confessions...

Confessions of love...
That which is pure, honest, truthful
Shared and desired, ever searching yet rarely found
Born from trust, living through sorrow, dying with bliss
A glimmer, the smallest moment of passion and swelling into freedom
Lifting the veil, emptiness is all that remains.

Confessions of desire...
Lost and found wanting, forbidden and obscure
Random comments, forged into jest, secretly true
Born from mistakes, living through regret, dying with despair
Dreams never ending, thoughts of chance, crumbling away
To see through the shadow, to find only simplistic desire.

Confessions of hate...
Pure, unconditional and whole, bathed in hallow contempt
Forgoing emotion through forgotten bliss, standing firm
Bron from passion, living through torment, dying with sorrow
The changing tides, a cascade of subtle rage, blinded by darkness
Looking inside, a statue remains.

Confessions of life...
Three stand out, ever watchful, never seen
Amused by time, spinning through chaos
Born from lies, living through obsession, dying with desire
A simple focus, split among the corpses of hate, cast out by the sands of desire
The game takes hold, a task presented yet fractured and broken, the lie remains.

Its like that...

One awakes into an emptiness of scorched thought
Ever shackled by the chains of desire, forged by our own grief
Bound, gagged and beaten, cast aside as tormented scrap
Forsaken lies, dumbfounded truths, weaved together through pain.

Happiness enslaved by misery, never wanting and ever gained
Misery bound by happiness, ever sought and never found
Twin truths, as fallen angels weep, pain devours
To dream is to fear, to live...to fade.

Swirling through a maze of doubt, degrading sorrow
Love and hate, jealousy and lust...a common enemy
Within the confines of self-righteous desire
A dream begins, ripped out, burned and grave.

Walking mindlessly, they come and go...ever brighter, yet just as dim
The ever ending search, the loss of ones self
Through endless rampage, bitter fury, lazy desire
Finding oneself empty, numb...yea, its like that.

Eternal...

There are days, moments in time everlasting
Through throught one forgets, through memory it lives on
Spinning ever so slowy off ones axis, to find oneself alone
Living throughout time, lost and forever wanting.

In the darkest of days, a single light shines bright
The brightest of nights, a simple shadow crashes down
A single constant, torn apart by simplistic choices
Tormented by thoughts of what is to come, binding strong.

Haunting me while one wakes, comfort during ones sleep
Truth holds dear, nothing left to chance...everything fades
Cannot breath, cannot sleep, to choke on ones own life
Bliss begins, clairity and serinity...rising from the ashes.

Reborn into something unknown, nameless and lost
The cascade of peace, pure and revealing
to feel safe and secure, the light at the end of a tunnel
The promise of what is to be, the death of pain eternal.

Lost...

Lost in a world of thought and emotion
Biased to that which surrunds
Falling deeper into the swirling cloud of possibility
To wander, to dream...forgetting and remembering.

A distance untraveled, the mile unknown
Simplistic desire, sharing need and passion
Worlds collide, a shock of realization, dispatched illusion
To begin anew, fresh and alive...or stale and wanting.

The smallest memory, a glamor of fate or future
Tuned to a common thought, common feeling, uncommon ground
With a sway of light, blending of desire with untrusting pain
Thought everlasting, blurred edges of reality, scorched with fantasy.

Living again through simplistic sound, through black and white
Ashes fading, flames erupting into that which is unspoken
Known to all as completeness, a pair of dice ever complimented
A glimmer, a dream...forged in the lost boundries of ones self.

Something different...an ode to 2009

Now I told myself that this blog would be strictly for poetry, a common place for me to write and others (if any) to read. But as this is a new year, perhaps one post is allowed, something different...

2009 had many ups, many downs...new faces, old faces, friendly faces, hated faces. It brought upon new pains, resurrected old ones, and even cast aside current ones. It had its good, its bad, its blah, and its boring...but through it all nothing really changed (at least on the inside)

Over the course of the year, I met some simply amazing people. I have one living with me now, and another (though it may not count for 2009) possibly moving in for awhile. Lasting friendships grew stronger, we grew older, even hit the 10 year mark with someone near and dear. But with that, the hole remained....

As it was recently pointed out to me...I come off quite closed up, defensive, and solitary. This is by no means my intention, but alas its easier to fall back then push forward. I have been asked time and again why I went with "Pleasantly Numb" as my name in the verse that is the interwebs...well that is quite simple to answer, and difficult to explain.

I am simply that...numb...I do not know when this happened nor do I know why...but what was once a pleasant feeling, now just tares at me constantly. I have watched my moods go from blah to grim, and from grim to stale. Stress has grown greatly, and thus brought upon my new found friend "insomnia"...lovely little friend it is...

I have this sinking feeling in my gut, have for much longer then I let on...knowing something is most definitely off with me. I have found feelings I never thought I would have, and watched them pass by just as quickly. I have failed to express what I truly think, what I truly feel...and instead I have come off shallow or worse.

So I shall end this little rant...hoping at some point in this new year I find what it is I need to become whole again, who I once was all those years ago. Maybe even somewhere along the way, find something that makes me truly happy.

Cheers to 2010.

New Beginings...

Stripped of everything, a shell, empty and alone
Thoughts and feelings, misguided emotion found false
Overwhelming pain, brittle are the bonds, aged and dead
Standing aside, forever without, forever wanting

Unable to see, clarity that is clouded by doubt
Fear everlasting, a simple glance to crumble
Misguided dreams, ever spinning on its axis, but an illusion
What is real, thought to be fake, clouds of hate filter through.

Blinded by desire, gagged by depression, deafened by passion
Torn between a shell, broken and scared...
The choice of bliss, pure and full
Undefined moments, everlasting horror, a demons past.

Ever changing, simplistic chance, forged through loss
High above, watchful and embodied by lies
Deep down, tormented and true
A simple risk, defined by the past and highlighted by pain.

Ones worth, a single strand among many
To be found wanting, a failure, nothing but dust
Or to rise above, forget the dream
Finding peace, new beginnings, achieving peace.

In ages past, one fell for right, the other stood wrong
Two of the same, joined together by misguided truth
Consumed by hate and driven by lust, one is left to wonder
Tomorrow's ending, a blinding message, falling upon deaf ears.

Bitterness of torment, self torture and misguided honesty
Ever opening upon that which lies dormant, an endless search
Through the discovery of pain, hope begins to shine through
Shadows bind, desire grasps, a myth of what should have been.

A mirrored truth, forged in the emptiness of misconception
Dragged through by bliss, beaten and bruised by hope
Open, torn and broken, unable to see to believe
Standing alone, nothing holds true, everything lives as fallacy.

Clouds of suffering, swirling together, a swarm of bitterness
The dream fades, an unknown face speaks in broken tongues
Leap, jump, fall into that which is bliss
To find oneself alone, safe and without.