Something different...an ode to 2009

Now I told myself that this blog would be strictly for poetry, a common place for me to write and others (if any) to read. But as this is a new year, perhaps one post is allowed, something different...

2009 had many ups, many downs...new faces, old faces, friendly faces, hated faces. It brought upon new pains, resurrected old ones, and even cast aside current ones. It had its good, its bad, its blah, and its boring...but through it all nothing really changed (at least on the inside)

Over the course of the year, I met some simply amazing people. I have one living with me now, and another (though it may not count for 2009) possibly moving in for awhile. Lasting friendships grew stronger, we grew older, even hit the 10 year mark with someone near and dear. But with that, the hole remained....

As it was recently pointed out to me...I come off quite closed up, defensive, and solitary. This is by no means my intention, but alas its easier to fall back then push forward. I have been asked time and again why I went with "Pleasantly Numb" as my name in the verse that is the interwebs...well that is quite simple to answer, and difficult to explain.

I am simply that...numb...I do not know when this happened nor do I know why...but what was once a pleasant feeling, now just tares at me constantly. I have watched my moods go from blah to grim, and from grim to stale. Stress has grown greatly, and thus brought upon my new found friend "insomnia"...lovely little friend it is...

I have this sinking feeling in my gut, have for much longer then I let on...knowing something is most definitely off with me. I have found feelings I never thought I would have, and watched them pass by just as quickly. I have failed to express what I truly think, what I truly feel...and instead I have come off shallow or worse.

So I shall end this little rant...hoping at some point in this new year I find what it is I need to become whole again, who I once was all those years ago. Maybe even somewhere along the way, find something that makes me truly happy.

Cheers to 2010.